石の上にも三年2008/12/18 00:09

朝一で通院。
ここ2週間の薬の切り替え状況を説明。
経過がよさそうなので、薬の完全切り替えをしましょうということになる。パキシル10mg->中止、トレドミン30mg -> 80mgへ変更。
さて、これでどうなるか。

経過が良いといっても、異常な眠気がとれたということぐらいであって、調子はあまり良いとは言えない。2~3時間周期くらいで、軽い二日酔いのような気分になって、それに我慢する自分。


ところで、

今日で、病院の診察券の予約欄が一杯になって新しいものになった。30回は通院したということか。石の上にも三年と言われて、この診察券の予約欄が埋まるまでになんとかメドがたつだろうか?と思ったものだが、本当にそれが埋まるとはねえ。

確かに良くなっているという実感がある今だからこそいえるけれど、このうつ病というやつは、本人にとっては結構どうしようもない病気に思える。うつ病になりやすい性格、環境は確かにあるだろうが、いったんその深い井戸に落ち込んでしまうと、自分ではあがることはまず不可能。

たとえとしては、交通事故に遭うようなものかもしれない、とも思う。できるだけ努力して事故を避ける努力はできるが、その時にはどうしようもない。そして、運が悪ければ身体に障碍が残り、長いリハビリが必要になることになる。

今のところ、生き残った僕としては、僕の身近な人がそんな井戸に落ちないように、交通事故に遭わないように、煩い人間でありたいと思う。

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